In the days following the tragedy Brownie seems to have been exhibiting more and more of Hairy's mannerisms.
Mom is here visiting and she and Brownie are quickly becoming bosom buddies, much as me and Hairy were. I'm not sure how Brown will take mom's departure but she certainly has helped her get through the grief. Myself I am still missing my dear friend sorely.
I'm not sure if I mentioned it before but Brownie turns out to be what's called a calico. And here I always thought she was a he. There are almost no male calicos I am told.
One endearing yet annoying manor Brown has acquired is wanting to camp out in front of my monitor as I try to work on my computer. I have gotten her to lay down when she takes up this position but it seems like every time she moves 1 inch she wants to sit up and take a kitty bath, much as Hairy would do.
I guess the loss of Hairy hurts so much because it was entirely unexpected. Even most adults I have known who have passed on have been no real surprise. And perhaps it's the helplessness of being invaded with little recourse that irks me. Perhaps more on that later.
So for now we are going on day by day. Not much alternative to that. I'm sure one day it won't hurt so much but for now any day I get through without sobbing is a good day.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Carrying ON
Struggling through today was not much better than coping with yesterday. As Brownie and I become closer together and console each other I now see Brown show how much she misses Hariy and Blackie by mimicking some of their old habits. Today Brown was laying in Blackie's old spot in front of the refrigerator. Later she took to a folding table that had been exclusively Hairy's territory. I don't think either of the others had laid there ever before. Just to mention a few out of character things.
I can't even stand to look at the china cabinet without choking up yet as Hairy had a way of getting on top and would perch up there as queen of her domain looking down at us peasants. And she pretty much was queen around here. I should dig up a photo of it and post it.
Brown is really not that big on canned food. A small portion once in a while and she's good, which makes keeping the remainder fresh a bit of a challenge because it may be some time before she cares for anymore. It breaks my heart to pop the top of a can - remembering how Blackie & Hairy loved to lick the lid clean. They also liked to lick the gravy from my TV dinners. It just doesn't feel right to toss away the tray when they cherished it so much but Brown has no such inclination.
Every time I hear a dog outside my heart stops as I try to recall if Brown is inside or out. Now Brown probably would not have fallen for the pit bulls' trick of pretending to be friendly as she is not so chummy with dogs as Hairy was. I want those dogs apprehended and put down and the owner deal with by the authorities for were I to meet up with them any time soon I am afraid what might happen. Afraid I might act in haste and anger. There needs to be justice in the matter for me to find peace. And these dogs could just as easily turn on a small child playing in the yard. If you saw the video I recorded you'd see just what I mean.
Maybe tomorrow will be easier. I have begun rearranging my security cameras for more clarity for had I seen Hairy out there either she would have been saved or I would have been dead. It hurts that had I only know she was out there and in danger I could have dashed to the attempted rescue and perhaps been just in time to spare he fatal injuries. As I review the footage there was a 3 second window of opportunity but I wasn't prepared to dash out and confront very quick, large strange dogs for no good reason and unarmed. I guess that one brief period of 3 seconds will unjustly haunt me for quite some time to come. My mind knows but my heart just refuses.
I can't even stand to look at the china cabinet without choking up yet as Hairy had a way of getting on top and would perch up there as queen of her domain looking down at us peasants. And she pretty much was queen around here. I should dig up a photo of it and post it.
Brown is really not that big on canned food. A small portion once in a while and she's good, which makes keeping the remainder fresh a bit of a challenge because it may be some time before she cares for anymore. It breaks my heart to pop the top of a can - remembering how Blackie & Hairy loved to lick the lid clean. They also liked to lick the gravy from my TV dinners. It just doesn't feel right to toss away the tray when they cherished it so much but Brown has no such inclination.
Every time I hear a dog outside my heart stops as I try to recall if Brown is inside or out. Now Brown probably would not have fallen for the pit bulls' trick of pretending to be friendly as she is not so chummy with dogs as Hairy was. I want those dogs apprehended and put down and the owner deal with by the authorities for were I to meet up with them any time soon I am afraid what might happen. Afraid I might act in haste and anger. There needs to be justice in the matter for me to find peace. And these dogs could just as easily turn on a small child playing in the yard. If you saw the video I recorded you'd see just what I mean.
Maybe tomorrow will be easier. I have begun rearranging my security cameras for more clarity for had I seen Hairy out there either she would have been saved or I would have been dead. It hurts that had I only know she was out there and in danger I could have dashed to the attempted rescue and perhaps been just in time to spare he fatal injuries. As I review the footage there was a 3 second window of opportunity but I wasn't prepared to dash out and confront very quick, large strange dogs for no good reason and unarmed. I guess that one brief period of 3 seconds will unjustly haunt me for quite some time to come. My mind knows but my heart just refuses.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Coping the Day After
So many memories to deal with. So many habits haunting me. I have to admit I was balling like a baby as I lowered my dear Hairykins (as I would call her in a tender moment or sometimes to come eat) into the ground. She was my honey. She loved the outdoors and was friendly to dogs but these pit bulls were entirely the wrong dogs to meet up with.
As I watched the security footage I learned she had no warning of them being a threat. Suddenly they just attacked after walking up so friendly to her. She literally had no idea until it was too late, nor did I. It all transpired in literally 60 secs. I saw the dogs burst in to the carport on the monitor but had no idea she was in there just out of clear visual range. If I had I might could have stopped them in time, but I thought she was safe and sound until I heard her weak call for help.
They literally treated her like a rag doll. Enough said. I made the one who took her as a prize drop her but the injuries were too severe and she died in my arms. I was totally angry and the little boy from next door was balling his eyes out.
As for the blog I do not know it's future. If I meet up with the owner who lets those dogs roam let's just say I'm not so sure about my own future either. ;)
I was almost coping with the loss of Blackie, but he was old and probably always in pain. I think he held on as long as he did just for me. I could say more but this is too painful today.
Mom saw me on the home security stream as I laid my friend to rest. Fortunately the spot is off camera and she didn't see my tears. Intentionally I laid Hairy and Blackie with their bodies soaking in the morning Florida sunshine that they loved so much but they are protected from the heat of the day by trees and the shed. I had an amber yard light the doesn't put out much light which I have at their site partly as a night marker and kinda like a little sentimental night light for them so they wouldn't have to be in the dark. At their head is a little Raggedly Ann yard ornament as a temporary headstone marker. Never in my life have I done that for a pet! No matter much they were loved. But these guys were definitely super special.
Mom called me afterwords and I was dealing OK with the experience until I started to tell her that as luck would have it I realized that by chance of their final resting positions I had buried both with their little heads facing the house, sorta like so they would always know where home is and at that point I just choked on my words and the tear factory commenced. I had to hang up and just let it flow. Guys don't like to admit to such things but I confess on this occasion.
I would like to add one thing more - God cried. OK believe what you want but I think God cried. Let me explain why I believe this.
Some have said that God has spoken through thunder, or that His voice sounds like thunder, perhaps at times He speaks through the wind. Well Hairy loved to sit in the carport and watch the rain as it poured down. On occasion the carport would flood, at which time or if a storm became violent she was finally ready to come in out of the rain. Partly soaked, of course.
The night Hairy died, actually probably wasn't much more than an hour, if that, I was praying about the situation while facing the monitor. Suddenly there was a flash of light but no thunder. The waters began to fill my carport right up to the very spot I had laid Hairy for the night and the water stopped right there! It continued to rain but the flooding stopped right there and encroached no further all night. This was unusual.
I went outside because if God was crying I wanted the love. Then it dawned on me that I also like to sit in the carport when it rains just as Hairy did unless there is severe lightning, which here in Florida we see more often than not. We're the lightning capital, after all. It reminded me of one reason Hairy was do dear to me is that we shared many of the same likes and attitudes and tastes.
I considered those responsible for my loss and then suddenly there was a loud thunderboom but I don't recall seeing any lightning. The storm never became violent, at least not here. So yes, I do believe God was trying to comfort me and maybe it was even a special gift for Hairy herself.
I don't know if pets have anything like heaven to move on to. I sometimes think about it and I'd like to think they do. We know that after the Great Flood (you know, Noah and the Ark) God made a covenant with the animals. So I wouldn't entirely rule out some sort of an afterlife for animals and fish if God felt them worthy of making them a promise. Of all the mysteries I could ask God about if given the chance I know that would probably be my question, at least today it would. But after last night I may have that answer already.
As I watched the security footage I learned she had no warning of them being a threat. Suddenly they just attacked after walking up so friendly to her. She literally had no idea until it was too late, nor did I. It all transpired in literally 60 secs. I saw the dogs burst in to the carport on the monitor but had no idea she was in there just out of clear visual range. If I had I might could have stopped them in time, but I thought she was safe and sound until I heard her weak call for help.
They literally treated her like a rag doll. Enough said. I made the one who took her as a prize drop her but the injuries were too severe and she died in my arms. I was totally angry and the little boy from next door was balling his eyes out.
As for the blog I do not know it's future. If I meet up with the owner who lets those dogs roam let's just say I'm not so sure about my own future either. ;)
I was almost coping with the loss of Blackie, but he was old and probably always in pain. I think he held on as long as he did just for me. I could say more but this is too painful today.
Mom saw me on the home security stream as I laid my friend to rest. Fortunately the spot is off camera and she didn't see my tears. Intentionally I laid Hairy and Blackie with their bodies soaking in the morning Florida sunshine that they loved so much but they are protected from the heat of the day by trees and the shed. I had an amber yard light the doesn't put out much light which I have at their site partly as a night marker and kinda like a little sentimental night light for them so they wouldn't have to be in the dark. At their head is a little Raggedly Ann yard ornament as a temporary headstone marker. Never in my life have I done that for a pet! No matter much they were loved. But these guys were definitely super special.
Mom called me afterwords and I was dealing OK with the experience until I started to tell her that as luck would have it I realized that by chance of their final resting positions I had buried both with their little heads facing the house, sorta like so they would always know where home is and at that point I just choked on my words and the tear factory commenced. I had to hang up and just let it flow. Guys don't like to admit to such things but I confess on this occasion.
I would like to add one thing more - God cried. OK believe what you want but I think God cried. Let me explain why I believe this.
Some have said that God has spoken through thunder, or that His voice sounds like thunder, perhaps at times He speaks through the wind. Well Hairy loved to sit in the carport and watch the rain as it poured down. On occasion the carport would flood, at which time or if a storm became violent she was finally ready to come in out of the rain. Partly soaked, of course.
The night Hairy died, actually probably wasn't much more than an hour, if that, I was praying about the situation while facing the monitor. Suddenly there was a flash of light but no thunder. The waters began to fill my carport right up to the very spot I had laid Hairy for the night and the water stopped right there! It continued to rain but the flooding stopped right there and encroached no further all night. This was unusual.
I went outside because if God was crying I wanted the love. Then it dawned on me that I also like to sit in the carport when it rains just as Hairy did unless there is severe lightning, which here in Florida we see more often than not. We're the lightning capital, after all. It reminded me of one reason Hairy was do dear to me is that we shared many of the same likes and attitudes and tastes.
I considered those responsible for my loss and then suddenly there was a loud thunderboom but I don't recall seeing any lightning. The storm never became violent, at least not here. So yes, I do believe God was trying to comfort me and maybe it was even a special gift for Hairy herself.
I don't know if pets have anything like heaven to move on to. I sometimes think about it and I'd like to think they do. We know that after the Great Flood (you know, Noah and the Ark) God made a covenant with the animals. So I wouldn't entirely rule out some sort of an afterlife for animals and fish if God felt them worthy of making them a promise. Of all the mysteries I could ask God about if given the chance I know that would probably be my question, at least today it would. But after last night I may have that answer already.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Hairy is Gone
It happened in a split second. She stood no chance and being good around dogs did not sense the danger in time. Being gentile and having no claws for defense she stood no chance posed no challenge at all. I was just too slow to intervene.
I couldn't move fast enough to save her from 2 pit bulls. Perhaps that's all I should say tonight. I am more angry at the stupidity of all of this. This sadness will be taking a heavy toll, especially coming on the heels of the loss of Blackie.
She will be dearly remembered and missed ever so much. I've never known such a dear pet friend and doubt anyone could ever take her place. And I say this from owning different pets through my life. She was a rare find and I hope there is a form of heaven for her and my old sweet Blackie and a hell for those dogs.
These dogs are a menace to the neighborhood but are owned and well fed by some fool who lets them roam loose. That's what makes it harder to take. Those dogs should have been dealt with long ago as this is not their first instance of trouble.
I could graphically describe what the dogs did, but probably won't for the sake of any children who may happen to read this blog. Needless to say this is a dark day and would never have happened had Hairy not so loved sitting outside. But I guess in life there is really no such thing as being safe outside your front door.
I couldn't move fast enough to save her from 2 pit bulls. Perhaps that's all I should say tonight. I am more angry at the stupidity of all of this. This sadness will be taking a heavy toll, especially coming on the heels of the loss of Blackie.
She will be dearly remembered and missed ever so much. I've never known such a dear pet friend and doubt anyone could ever take her place. And I say this from owning different pets through my life. She was a rare find and I hope there is a form of heaven for her and my old sweet Blackie and a hell for those dogs.
These dogs are a menace to the neighborhood but are owned and well fed by some fool who lets them roam loose. That's what makes it harder to take. Those dogs should have been dealt with long ago as this is not their first instance of trouble.
I could graphically describe what the dogs did, but probably won't for the sake of any children who may happen to read this blog. Needless to say this is a dark day and would never have happened had Hairy not so loved sitting outside. But I guess in life there is really no such thing as being safe outside your front door.
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